Church Chuckles

Delegates attending a church conference in Scotland set off between sessions to explore the countryside. Presently they came to a stream spanned by a rickety bridge and started to cross, ignoring the warning to keep off. A local inhabitant ran after them in protest. Misunderstanding his concern, one of the visitors called out “its alright we are Anglicans from the conference.” “I’m no’ caring about that” was the reply, “but if ye dinna get off the bridge, ye’ll all be Baptists.”

Notice outside a North London Church
Wanted - Workers for God. Plenty of overtime.

Seen outside a Birmingham Church on November 18th

Come this Sunday and avoid the Christmas rush.

A former Chorister was asked why she gave up singing in the choir. “I was
absent one Sunday,” she replied, “and somebody asked if the organ had been
mended.”

Seen on a wayside pulpit:
Money will buy a bed, but not sleep; Food but not an appetite;
Finery but not beauty; A house, but not a home;
Luxuries but not culture; Amusement but not happiness;
Religion but not salvation; A passport to everywhere - but heaven.

Notice in a parish magazine:
We are pleased to note that there has been a change of mind by the Housing
Department regarding a name for the new retirement complex. “St. Peter’s
Close” did seem inappropriate.

Comment from a parishioner in the diocese:
Our vicar’s sermons always have a happy ending. The moment they’ve ended
everyone feels happy!”

Seen on a church notice board:
When you were born, your mother brought you here.
When you were married, your partner brought you here.
When you die your friends will bring you here.
Why not try coming on your own sometimes?

Borrowed from the Gas Green Baptist Church Magazine, Contact.