King's Daughters

Right, now that the hardest part is over, and that was getting the first post written, taking the plunge and getting back into this blog, I begin the journey of reading through the last ten years of posts - 650 in total! My next post was a book review. This reminded me of much I used to love reading and how little I read these days. My business, Women's Business Club , has pretty much taken over my life and this is not a good thing. Part of getting back into my blog is to try and find me again, to find what I love outside of business and to take those parts of my life back. Reading is one of those areas that has been sorely neglected. The book I reviewed was God Chicks by Holly Wagner . The highlight of this post is that Holly actually wrote to us and left us a comment which I treasure. I might just really get into reading again so have bought Warrior Chicks too, I never did get around to reading that one so will do so now. As I placed my order on Amazon it occurred to me th...

Eric was convinced that I was depressed and wanted me to see the doctor again. I stood by my confession that I was healed of depression in October of last year and that what I was going through was NOT depression. It was a deep darkness but not depression - I knew the difference. I was unhappy. I was deeply miserable. I was not liking life. But I was not depressed. And so in my frustration I resorted to writing melancholic poetry. It didn't even rhyme which was an indicator of how deep the darkness was, I couldn't even be bothered to rhyme! Darkness surrounds me I even breath it in It feels heavy I can't find a way out "Sanctify yourself [i] ," you say "For tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you." Hopelessness fills me. How did life get so bad. Hurt consumes me. There seems no escape. God help, please rescue me. I can't do this on my own. _________ [i] Joshua 3:5

The gifts of the Holy Spirit are wonderful! We can have access to the most wonderful supernatural abilities such as: w ords of wisdom, words of knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, prophecy, discernment , tongues and interpretation of tongues as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12: 8 -10. Today I want to take a look at discernment and in particular how this gift has affected me in the area of depression. It will make sense in the end when it all ties together, so please read to the end. Discernment comes from the Greek word diakrisis meaning judicial estimation or disputation and debate or argument. Judicial estimation is 'expressing careful judgment' or 'making fine distinctions'. So the Holy Spirit gives us the ability to make a careful judgement between spirits. Diakrisis is only used three times in the Bible. " Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. " - Romans 14:1 As mentioned above in the list of the gift...

Seligman (1973) referred to depression as the ‘common cold’ of psychiatry because of its frequency of diagnosis. Have you noticed how many people have depression these days? Picking up from the first part of this series, let's take a look at the two keys that I believe will change everything . As I mentioned before, these keys are not only for depression but for life itself. MY FREEDOM TO CHOOSE "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;"  - Deuteronomy 30:19 It is our choice. We can choose life or death and everything in-between. Our free will is powerful and yet do we use it? Do we consciously choose things or do we allow everything under the sun to choose for us? Emotions, people, circumstances and so much more is often what affects people but we have power to choose so much of this. We cannot choose circumstanc...

It's no secret, I have tried so many things to beat depression. I have come at it from every angle, been on and off meds, prayed, fasted, experimented with food and exercise and done whatever I have thought to do. The early years of my struggle are recorded in Hope's Journey . There are days when I feel cheated of life itself, like I will never know it feels like to be content or normal! It is frustrating. At times I just hate myself. I hate that I cry for stupid things, shout at the children I love dearly and annoy my wonderful husband with my nonsense. I don't always feel this way or even behave this way but there are times when I do and I beat myself up over it because it's not the person I want to be. Our current Girl's Night series this year is a powerful one and already after the very first session I feel empowered and excited about the possibilities. What struck me most was that I had to choose contentment and not wait for the feelings to come. I know t...

One thing that I have been struggling with lately is to be who I know I am. It's not that I am faking it or being insincere, it's nothing like that, it's just that I haven't felt like myself for quite sometime and really want to get back to that place of being centered, aligned and at peace within. Getting free from depression has been really hard work this time around. It's not that when I wrote Hope's Journey that it wasn't a struggle, it was just a completely different struggle. Today I wanted to talk about something that I have been working on. Habits. In our life we could have habits that help and habits that hinder. I am extremely aware of the habits that I currently have that are hindering me as well as the ones I want to have to help me. This isn't new to me either, I have had these bad habits and awareness of the good ones I want for literally years! Some years I manage to overcome the bad ones with the good and other years I tend to lean tow...

Eric hit the nail on the head tonight when he told me that I have to do the hard work of rest. God has been gently and at times very firmly telling me to slow down. He told me through the gentle whisper of His Spirit, through the audible voice of my friends and even through the doctor prescribing anti-depressants for burnout! Despite the clear and obvious warning as well as my desire to rest, why is it so difficult? Rest isn't as easy as it sounds. It's not like I can just stay in bed and sleep all day. If only it were that simple! I have to make a conscious decision to rest, to slow down and to find the balance in my life. My family still need caring for, my homes still needs cleaning, my business still needs working on and my ministry still needs me to turn up. I have cut a lot out already and said no to very many things, which has been a good start. It wasn't easy, I mean I was half way through my campaign for the next local elections and had to pull out. It really h...

Last Sunday my wonderful husband, Eric , preached his sermon entitled Voices.   It was such a powerful message so I decided to share it with you, sadly we don't have a recording but I will do my best to recount it. Then Saul clothed David with his armor. He put a helmet of bronze on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail, and David strapped his sword over his armor. And he tried in vain to go, for he had not tested them. Then David said to Saul, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.” So David put them off.  Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd's pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine.       And the Philistine moved forward and came near to David, with his shield bearer in front of him. And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. And the Philistine said to Dav...

Hello King's Daughters, I feel like it's been quite some time, in fact well over a year perhaps even two, since I have written anything meaningful to you. I have tried but words haven't come.  Many posts have been fillers or conference news.  I don't know what happened to me, I seemed to have come from a place and having life figured out to now not having a clue, from having much wisdom and revelation to share to having nothing.  At first I gave myself some time to grieve to loss of our church, D7 Church.  We met for the final time on Sunday 30th March 2014. Failure is hard, loss is difficult but when you have failed and lost in the things of God it seems harder. You feel as if you have let God down. One thing that no one tells you when you pastor a church is that it too, just like a business, can fail. If the books don't balance and your income is less than your expenses, you can fail. If you don't have a committed team to keep up with the work you can fail...

Continuing on from my previous post  on depression, let's take a look at happiness.  Not that depression is the absence of happiness but it is difficult to be happy while suffering with depression.  Some people can just be happy - I envy them. Other people, like myself, have to make an effort to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I have happy days that just come and it's wonderful.  It's those other days, the days when I have to work at it that are a bit more difficult. You see, I believe happiness is a choice. We can choose to be happy but it does require some effort on our part. I have days when even getting out of bed is difficult.  Being self employed makes it even more difficult as I have no one to answer to but myself. Sometimes I just stay in bed and work on my laptop - that way I still get some work done without having to find the strength to get up.  Other days I have to force myself to get up and have to find a  reason  to get up.  I ...

Continuing on from my previous post , I wanted to look into the other side of depression.  The side where people use it to be lazy or to do nothing for the kingdom.  Yes there is a time when you need to slow down or stop in order to recover and get well but there is no reason to throw your whole life away and write off your future.  Depression is not a lifestyle it is a season. It can be cured and it can be managed.  If you are newly depressed or burnt out you may need to stop what you are doing and have a season of rest. What did God tell Elijah to do when he was newly depressed? Let's read about it in 1 King's 19:4-8 "Elijah  went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!” Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” Then he looked,...

Continuing on from my previous post , I wanted to talk about the Christian view of depression.  You see, very recently I faced complete burnout and ended up going to the doctor only to discover that I was on the high end of the depression scale.  It never occurred to me that I was depressed or burnt out because I have lived a balanced life and followed all of the steps I wrote about in my book  Hope's Journey . It did not even cross my mind that the series of difficult situations that I have faced over the past two year had actually worn me down!  I am a survivor - I just get on with things. Thank goodness for a good Christian friend who had the boldness to confront me and encourage me to see my doctor. She recognised the symptoms as she too suffers with depression but she also understood that as Christians, admitting to depression is the hardest thing. So why do I keep mentioning Christians, what makes it different for a Christian?  Well, first of all we ...

In September 2010 I released my very first book called Hope's Journey  where I opened shared my struggle and victory over depression, suicide and self harming.  Since that day I have had a couple of mild relapses into my old ways but can honestly say that today I am completely free of any temptation or desire to self harm in any way.  Perhaps the darkness became deeper after the book was released because I felt exposed or perhaps it was 'someone' trying to rob me of my testimony.  Times were especially difficult in the weeks before I was scheduled to publicly speak on this subject or share my testimony.  At times the struggle was intense but I knew that many would be encouraged by my story so I knew I had to stay strong and remain in victory or else too much would be lost. It had been a battle before Hope's Journey was released and continued to be a different sort of battle afterwards too.  At times I wondered if complete freedom would ever be possible ...

I was shocked when I heard the tragic news about Rick Warren's son.  If you don't know who Rick Warren is, he is the founder and senior pastor of Saddleback Church , a very influential and well respected Christian leader.  If you’re unaware of what happened, here’s  Pastor Rick’s letter .  We would like to offer our heartfelt condolences to Pastor Rick, his family and his church.  There are no words to express just how sad we are with and for you. I have decided to take this opportunity to share my story, which I have recorded in detail in my book, Hope's Journey , with you at a very special Girl's Night which will be hosted here in Cheltenham, UK and once recorded will be available on our YouTube channel .  If you can't make the Girl's Night and need support please feel free to contact me or get in touch with your local church or with the Samaritans .  Facts about suicide around the world: 1 million people across the globe die by suicide each ...

Although this study guide delves into depression and self harming it is not exclusively for this area of life. Applying the principles herein will lead you from where you are now, no matter where that might be, to an even better life! If you are struggling to find meaning to your life or purpose, Hope's Journey Study Guide will help you find your way to a brighter, more meaningful future.   My dear friend, Cheryn Bloom, has worked hard to take my idea for a study guide and turn it into a fantastic practical tool. Not only will this guide help you if you are trapped in depression but it will also help you if you want a better life in general.  If there is any area in your life that needs HOPE then this Study Guide will help you find it.   Here is a message from Cheryn about this book: "I think that in a lot of cases people who are struggling with issues or are desperately seeking help need more than just a book filled with words from beginning to end telling the...

There may come a time when you think you are depressed! You know it is not a chemical thing in your brain and you’re sure it's not a form of burnout. If this is the case it could possibly be your mind! I have overcome so many nasty things in my life by fighting the battle in my mind. I am so passionate about this and love to preach on this subject too. Often we grow up seeing something in our family and because it is familiar to us and seems normal our mind accepts it. Depression can be one of those things. We think because one of our parents suffered with it we automatically will too. There are times when it is genuinely passed on either physically or spiritually. Many times though, it is all in your mind.  When you become a Christian everything changes – some things change instantly and other things change over time. Most things take time to change and one of those things is our mind. Before we were Christians, we thought a certain way – we thought according to our se...

Depression is often caused by burnout. Simply put - you have overdone it! I am very prone to this as I tend to like to do a lot. Very often I only realise I have done too much when it is too late. Learning to rest has been a key for me to avoid getting depressed and burnt out. Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Paul summed it up nicely in this verse in Philippians. You will find this is a fascinating verse if you look into what hearts and mind means in the original text. Rest Your Mind Heart in the original Greek text is “kardia” as mentioned in the chapter on the mind, which is the thoughts or feelings of the mind. Mind in the original Greek text is “noe ma” which means a perception, purpose, disposition or the intellect. Would you agree with me that ...

What goes up must come down! I learned this the hard way by crashing badly. This left me extremely frustrated as I felt that I was never allowed to experience joy or happiness. Many times Eric would warm me, saying, “Be careful! You are getting too high now”. He always knew that he would be the one suffering the next moment when I came crashing down from my high. Often I would be very annoyed by his comment, thinking that I wasn't allowed to be happy or excited EVER! This really bothered me and I asked God to help me with this. I have now learned to love the moments of perfect balance in my life. They are rare and they don't last for more than a few hours at a time and on a rare occasion I can enjoy it for a whole day, but I would have to be totally alone for that to happen. Yes, I know, this is one of those times when you probably think I am very strange indeed! I have learned though, even in the times of perfect balance, to watch that it doesn't cause me do spi...