Reboot & Celebrate

Photo by Lorah Kelly www.lorahkelly.co.uk

2011 has been the most amazing year and I firmly believe 2012 is going to be even more awesome!  In order to get read for 2012 I am going to have a little rest from my computer and reboot my system so that I am refreshed and ready for what God has planned!  

Have a lovely Christmas, please consider buying some lovely books or one of our Cd's as gifts for your loved ones and I will see you back here on King's Daughters in the New Year, ready to start the year off with a 21 day Daniel fast. 


Stumbling Into Grace

To be perfectly honest, I chose this book because of it's cover!  It was just too cute to pass by, and so I requested a copy from Booksneeze to review.  

I don't want to be too harsh to the author as I know how stabbing a bad review can be, but I was disappointed.  Perhaps I expected too much based on the cover, but I found the content a bit weak.  The stories seemed rushed and the scriptures didn't tie in well with the stories. 

What I did like about the book was the presentation, the layout and the general feel of the book.  Stumbling Into Grace could work well for a light read or as a daily devotional but I was hoping for something more meaty, more life changing.  A new Christian could benefit from this book as it's an easy read and doesn't contain anything too hard to understand, and so if I were to recommend it to anyone, I would definitely recommend it to someone new to our faith.


Lovely Lorah Kelly

Allow me to introduce my lovely daughter to you, Lorah Kelly!  She is my eldest daughter who has recently set up a photography business and is doing so well.  Within a few weeks of her start-up she already had three wedding bookings and two family photo shoots.  Lorah is also an artist and will continue creating beautiful works of art too to complement her photography.  I find the combination of Lorah's talents beautiful and her photography is definitely accentuated by her artistic talent. 

In order to support Lorah's business I have set up a page on my blog which I will update from time to time, please check in there and see what's new.  To find out more about Lorah's new photography business check out her website and Facebook page.   

For Christmas she has photographed her own image and designed a stunning Christmas cards which are available for £10 for 20 or £5.00 for 5 or £1.50 each

To buy your Christmas cards please contact Lorah and let her know how many you would like.


In The Stillness

It's with extreme joy that I announce the release of our new album, In the Stillness.  Our band, D7 Band, have put tremendous effort into this album all year and really hope that when you listen to it you have an worship experience - an encounter with the living God! 
Have a sneak preview of us in the studio and if you haven't already got our first album, King's Square, let me give you one!  Leave me a comment about how you first heard about D7 Band and I will draw one winner of the King's Square CD on 29th November.

Buy the In the Stillness CD or MP3's on Amazon or Paypal


Marriage Tip #14 - Be a Wise Neck

My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a fantastic movie and this scene has so much truth in it. In recent years, I've noticed how much I truly am the neck in my marriage, both by supporting my husband and holding him high as well as by influencing his direction and turning his attention to certain things. Being the neck is a very important role and can easily be abused.  A wife that understands and values her role as the neck will be an awesome wife indeed.  

At times I fear the responsibility of being the neck.  What if I turn the 'head' in the wrong direction or cause him to see things that I should not have exposed him to?  It is this fear that has caused me to think carefully before using my 'neck power' to influence my husband.  It is this fear that has lead me to pray and carefully consider what I say to my husband.  

Wives, you are the neck, embrace it and be careful with what a neck can do. 


Are You A Christian? ...Really!?

I couldn't have said it any better than Eric so I am going to point you to his blog for a review of this movie.  It has left us radically challenged, read what Eric has so say about it here.  Be warned though, it does have some very gruesome scenes.


Being a Wife - Who is Not Independent II

"I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the external things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have some degree of control. Having some control is not a bad thing; trying to control something or somebody over which I have no control is what is dysfunctional."
 - From Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

It is one thing realising that you lean towards co-dependency or independency, but it is another thing entirely realising that you live with one or the other too. I believe that we are meant to love people and leave the changing up to God, and that includes our husbands. We are, however, called to bring out the best in our husband by building him up with our words and actions.

Realising that we live with either a co-dependent or an independent is an opportunity to better understand our husband and to understand how we can build him up and bring out His God given potential.

Living with a Co-dependent
Understand that when they try to control you it is probably based in their fear. Don’t become angry at him for being so controlling but rather take time to understand his fear and reassure him so that he no longer needs to fear. Depending on what the fear is, you may be able to assist or may only be able to pray that God’s perfect love will deal with his fear. Men are usually less emotional than women but yet a co-dependent male could possibly be that way due to emotional pain from the past going back as early as his childhood.

What we tend to do, as women, is react to that hurt and pile on more hurt by nagging or accusing. Your husband will never come out of his shell and be his true self with this sort of behaviour. If you truly want to draw out his potential then understand that he may have hurt that he doesn’t know how to process and don’t force him to deal with it. Worst of all; don’t make him feel guilty for having it in the first place. A co-dependent man already feels weak because he is co-dependent, making him feel guilty about this weakness will only render him powerless to do anything about it.

Gently and lovingly build up your co-dependent husband with wise and kind words, showing him that he can trust you with his heart. Don’t force him to talk about his feelings; men usually don’t do that very often. But when he does choose to let you know how he feels make sure you don’t interrupt and simply listen. If he sees that he can trust you with what he has said, he will feel comfortable talking about more.

Living with a co-dependent will require a great deal of patience on your part, as he will need years of consistency from you in order to trust you. He is driven by fear but your response to his fear will either push him further into his shell or give him to freedom to let go of his fear. The bottom line is to love him by showing him the respect he needs as a man and to ask God for keys to unlock his potential.

If your husband is co-dependent, he will live for you approval in an unhealthy way. Although it is good to give him your approval you need to set clear boundaries in this area. A typical co-dependent person, when asked about themselves, will reply by bouncing the question back onto you. They will seldom give you a straight answer about themselves. It would be good if you understood this and make sure that you did not jump at the opportunity to talk about yourself, but that you insisted, as much as possible but not too much, that he answered your question directly.
Patience is a key in unlocking the co-dependent. The process of owning himself is frustrating and confusing for him as he would prefer not to talk about himself at all or even admit that he has a ‘self’. Boundaries are unfamiliar and bewildering to him too and he may not respond well to them.

Co-dependent men tend to do too much for other people as they are people pleasers. Married co-dependents can often be seen out and about do all sorts of things for other people rather than be at home doing things for their family. It is essential that they find a balance and your role is to gently communicate how you feel about his people pleasing. Choose your words carefully and wisely so as to continue to build him up while sharing how his actions affect you.
It’s tricky but it can be done and if necessary use the build – break –build method of saying harsh things directly to him. This means that you try to sandwich the negative between two positives. Say something that builds him up and then say what you have to say that might break him down but quickly follow that with something else that will build him up again.

Living with an Independent
Understand that an independent person probably doesn’t realise that they are independent. There is a lot less research it seems about an independent person than a co-dependent person, as society seems to praise independence. What society calls independence is actually suppressing our true selves. However, the Bible has clearly told us not to be independent of each other.

Not all independents are wounded; their behaviour could mostly be learned from his parents. You might see a similar pattern in his parents and his relationship with his parents. Does he have a good relationship with his parents or are they quite distant with deep things and affection? An extreme case of independence due to childhood trauma can result in Asperger's Syndrome, which will leave them having few or no real friends, and seldom enjoy socializing.
Helping you independent husband could mean helping him to own up to his childhood traumas and helping him to admit that they were damaging to him. Prayer is key to this process as you don’t want to be his counsellor or his mother, you want to be his loving wife who is helping him move towards interdependence.

The chances are that if your husband leans towards independence then you are quite possibly on the co-dependent side. Be careful not to be needy as this will cause him to cling to his independence even more. Respect his need for independence but pray for keys to help him be comfortable enough with you to need you too.

Encourage him in building friendships with other men and with his family as this too will help him become more interdependent in general. The worst thing you can do is become insecure when he starts to show sign of wanting to develop other relationships.

Living with an independent man means that you should not take everything he says and does to personally. It is not because you are not enough that he acts this way but it is quite possibly because he doesn’t feel enough that he hides behind his independence. If he does lower his defences and allow for a degree of dependence he may quickly shut up again as this dependence could make him feel weak and vulnerable. If this happens you need to let it go, allow him to be a bit distant after an intimate moment so that he can see that there are no negative consequences to him letting his guard down.

The worst thing you could possibly do is pester him in his moment of aloofness. Leave him to work things out and in time it will no longer be necessary. He will learn that its ‘safe’ to have dependent moments and that he can trust you when he is vulnerable.

The truth is that we depend on one another to truly be who God made us to be. Without anyone to inspire us, to need us and to bring out the best in us, most of who we really are will never come into the light. Our true self is only fully formed in relationship. God made us relational, He made us to need each other which is why He told us not be independent of each other. Your independent husband doesn’t yet understand this, he things that in order to be the man he is meant to be he needs to be able to take care of himself and be free from needing anyone else.  Sadly, he will never fully be himself this way; only in his relationships can he truly be free to be completely himself. Ironically, we are only complete and whole when we are in an interdependent relationship. We were not made to be independent. 

Find out more about Being a Wife here.  


10 Things I Love About You

I love that You love me
I love that You are perfect
I love that You are Holy
I love that You never change
I love that You are my Daddy
I love that You know everything about me and You still love me
I love that You are so creative
I love that You are so beautiful
I love that You are strong and powerful
I love that You are mine and I am Yours FOREVER

Now it's your turn, what do you love about God?


Feature Article

Today I was featured in a fantastic ezine, Ruby For Women.  Check it out and the rest of the ezine as it is packed with loads of interesting info.