What are you carrying?

From time to time I really struggle with things, I get all stressed out & annoy my husband & children because I am stressed. The first thing I do when I get like this is I check my priorities, are they in order? This often helps right away, I usually get stressed when my life gets out of balance. I have mentioned my priorities several times before in previous posts - for me being a good wife & mother are my top priorities & everything else comes after that. My first sort of stress comes when I get that out of sync & start putting church stuff or other sorts of work first. This upsets the balance in our home & inside of me - not good. To "reset" the balance I usually start by cleaning the house or spending time with the children, just a practical way of reminding myself of what is most important in my life.

I have noticed that on top of getting out of sync with my priorities I have an additional factor that causes me stress. This stress comes from what I am carrying. My role in church varies from doing admin to singing to washing cloths to preaching to editing the website - you name it I do it. I love everything that I do & love serving in the House of God. I am always very busy & love doing as much as possible in any given day. I can do a lot in a day & feel fulfilled & not get stressed at all. But there is a difference between serving & carrying. The leader carries the burden, the leader carries the weight of what they lead. There is a huge weight & level of responsibility in leading in any area of church or life. I lead in some areas & I serve in other areas. The stress & confusion comes when I try carry (or lead) something that I am meant to be serving in. For example I am Eric's helper in church - whatever Eric does I try be available to help if he needs me. I don't have to carry the load of that role, he carries the load & I support/serve/help. However within that role I handle all the churches systems & admin. This role I carry as God has given me a gift for this & I love it, there is no stress for me in this area as I am designed to do this. If Eric had to do this he would find it very stressful as he doesn't enjoy admin or have any sort of gift in this area. I can fiddle with spreadsheets, documents, websites, etc all day & at the end of the day I feel full & happy because it fills me it doesn't drain me. I carry it because I was designed to carry this, God made me this way.

This week I tried to carry the full weight of something that wasn't mine to carry & it really stressed me out. As soon as I realised I was carrying it rather than serving the leader who should be carrying it, I found my peace again. I stopped worrying immediately, got on with my "role" in that area by let go of the "weight" of it. I realised that I am not designed to carry that aspect of church life & quite frankly I don't really want to carry it, I already have enough on my plate. So what about you, have you ever considered this? Life can be amazingly fulfilling & rewarding if we can figure this out. Even Jesus, in Matthew 11:28-30, says how he wants us to carry certain burdens & give the rest to Him. Are you perhaps trying to carry something that is not yours to carry or are you perhaps not serving in an area that God has called you to serve? If it is stressing you out & just doesn't feel right perhaps you shouldn't be carrying it!