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2.7.10

Monday & Tuesday... Confidence Crisis

Huddled in the corner of the studio, I was sitting holding back the tears whilst telling myself to stop these silly thoughts. I knew I was being pathetic and there was no way I was going to cry about it! So I sat there, giving myself a telling off all the while trying to look like I was alright. The band looks on from the other room, oblivious to my inner turmoil. It's hard for me to hide my feelings, my face always gives my feelings away, so I thought I'd better put some distance between me and them so that they can't see my struggle. The band have been awesome, incredibly supportive and regularly offering lovely comments about how well I was doing. Their kindness was consistent all through Monday and Tuesday, but this was crunch time, the final vocal recording time. The pressure was now on!

All through Monday and Tuesday I have been on this roller coaster ride. One minute I hear the play back of a song and am really encouraged thinking that I don't sound too bad. Suddenly it happens, I sing a wrong note and I am sure everyone heard it and so my confidence drops down to nothing. Now I am sure I am rubbish, no real singer would do that. Then I look at my lovely Lorah, she is growing up so beautifully and she is singing better and better each take. Perhaps I should just throw in the towel and leave her to do all the vocals on the album! This continues all through Monday and Tuesday, the roller coaster ride of confidence.

Confidence is most of what makes a singer great I have heard. Even Paul says in the Bible that we should not loose our confidence as it will be richly rewarded. I know all this but it doesn't help me, the problem is how do I gain this much needed confidence? As I person I am generally confident, I haven't always been this way but I have learned how to deal with it in each situation that required confidence.

How do I gain confidence in this area? My guess is that time and practice will give me the boost I need. I have prayed to God for confirmation that I should be doing this at the moment and He clearly gave it. I also asked him to send me encouragement which He very lovingly did over and over again to the point that it would have been weird if I got any more complements from people. So what could possibly be left to help me. My conclusion is that it's up to me now to simply get on with believing that this is a part of who I am and what I have to do in this season of my life. My confidence must come from inside of me as it says in Proverbs that "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. " My confidence can't come from the confirmation God gave me, that only helped me know whether or not to quit! My confidence can't come from people's compliments and encouragements. Each one only lasted for a moment and then I needed yet another one to keep the good feeling alive. Nope, my confidence can't come from that either. In my humble opinion I believe that now it is up to me, God has done all He can do to encourage me and all my friends and family and even some random strangers have done all they can. No one can do any more for me I simply have to make a decision to be confident, to give it my best shot and get on with it!

What do you think, do you have any suggestions for me? Have you ever struggled with confidence in any area, how did you over come it?

3 comments:

  1. Hi Angela,
    I came across your blog after looking at your website, I am about to send you the link to ours - Connect: Life... so I was just checking you out, verifying your identity etc etc... Anyway, firstly I am really excited by what you guys are doing and secondly I can TOTALLY relate to your confidence struggles.
    A few years ago, I felt exactly the same and God filled me with this incredible sense of... the only way to describe it is... warmth??! I felt He gave me a great big hug, but it was through reading the UCB Word for Today. (If I can find it I will email it to you!) But one part of it stuck in my mind... He's the creator of the World but He has CHOSEN to live in ME, to use ME to DIE for ME! He knows my strengths - and my weaknesses and He STILL chose me!!!
    The creator of the universe, full of infinite wisdom... has chosen YOU!
    BTW... you have a gorgeous family!
    Hopefully speak to you online on Connect: Life - just sending you the link,
    Blessings,
    Adele ( a fellow princess!)xxx

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  2. AW that is so lovely Adele, thanks so much for your kind words. I know I need to meditate on truth like this, it's the only way to really be all I can be :) Can't wait to chat to you on Connect:Life, sounds really good. xxx

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  3. Re Confidence Crisis:

    You got it !! :)

    Lots of love

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