In the beginning
It all started out rather innocently. I was nineteen years old at the time, a very young wife and mother. We were introduced by a friend of my husband. His name was Ben. A few days later we bumped into each other on the bus and got chatting. He had a very sweet way of speaking to me and he called me ‘love’. I liked that. No one had ever called me ‘love’ before. I didn’t think anything of it, I was married after all, but I did like the way he made me feel when he called me ‘love’. It made me feel special.
A few weeks after our first meeting, he started coming over to my home to visit me. A few more weeks passed and we began spending a lot of time together. I was at home all day with my two year old daughter and he was free during the daytime too as he was out of a job. He didn’t need to bother with work as he was still living at home with his parents. We were both very young and very bored. We enjoyed each other’s company very much so we began getting together very often – almost every day. My husband liked the fact that I wasn’t so bored and lonely anymore. He encouraged me to spend time with Ben and even to go out to the pub and to parties with him when he wasn’t able to accompany me.
One evening Ben and I were at a pub and we decided that ‘as a joke’ I would display my wedding ring to the bar tender very obviously and then he would put his hand with no wedding ring on mine. We were faking an affair and the sheer naughtiness of it was thrilling! I thought it was great fun but the thought of actually having an affair never crossed my mind at all. But it was fun to pretend in front of the bar tender. The joke was on me however! How was the bar tender to even know our situation? Obviously he had no clue and was so busy he probably didn’t even notice the wedding ring hints and silly comments we were throwing his way. The joke was definitely on me because now I had crossed a line in my mind that should not have been crossed.
I enjoyed the thrill of this staged affair and gave no consideration at all to what I was really doing. I was on an adventure by simply playing a game but not really doing it!
Well as you no doubt guessed, my affection for Ben grew and I became infatuated with him and our little pretend affair. Soon we began having long, intimate talks revealing deep things from our hearts to each other. He told me how his heart was broken by his recent girlfriend and how he still loved her and desperately wanted her back. I immediately wanted to rescue this heartbroken boy (that’s how I saw him) and aimed to help him feel better again. My infatuation grew stronger and the inevitable happened, the staged affair became a real affair. I had crossed the line completely. By this time I was deeply entrenched in a night time lifestyle of drinking and partying with Ben. I had gone from a sweet, young, teenage Christian girl who loved staying home baking cookies to a party animal who stayed out all hours with Ben.
You may be wondering why on earth I would be telling you this. If you know me or know of me you may even be shocked. The truth is... I am fed up of God doing amazing things in people’s lives and Him getting no glory for it. Get a good clear picture of the person that I was so that when I tell you what God has done for me and who I am now you will marvel with me at how awesome He really is.
I am only telling one of my gory stories, there are more but I will spare you the details as I am sure you get the picture now. Let’s just make the observation that I was not a pure woman. You could accuse me of many qualities but purity would not be one of them. Up to this affair I honestly had never known purity anyway. I was nineteen years old going on twenty and would only truly experience the precious purity that Jesus gave me at thirty years of age. But let’s not jump ahead now, there is still much more to tell.
Chapter snippets will follow soon, full details about this book here.