Being a Lover - Who Plans

Great sex very seldom just happens!  Maintenance sex happens regularly I am sure and occasionally great spontaneous sex might happen.  To enjoy regular and consistent great sex, planning is required.  Why not plan sex dates?  It's a great way to set aside an allocated time where you will focus on pleasing each other sexually.  

    Men seldom plan in this area, they are often instantly on just like a light switch - on and off - simple.  Women, however, are more like irons, they take time to warm up which is why a woman will benefit greatly from planning.  When planning a sex date, you will begin to release hormones that start getting you in the mood way before you even begin to get physically sexual. This means that when you do get down to the physical side of things you will be ready to explode!  There are several things that you can plan:

Anticipation

There is nothing quite like anticipation.  Anticipation is the action of expectation, an emotion involving pleasure, excitement, and sometimes anxiety.  Expectation is the strong belief that something will happen in the future.  Great sex is the result of anticipation, in fact, the anticipation is what fuels all the plans that you make in preparation for your sex date.  As you make plan as anticipate what is to come you will become aroused.    

Time

Setting a time is essential to the success of your plan.  There is no point anticipating great sex without actually setting a specific time. It can be a regular time in your week that you both agree to block out in your diary or it can be a random thing that you do from time to time.  The great thing about a weekly set time is that psychologically you will quickly associate the time with what is to come and your body will have no problem with quickly switching from work mode into sex mode.  You don't have to do the same thing every time but have a set time can have huge advantages.  No matter whether you have set times or prefer occasional random times for you sex date, make sure that you put time aside for great sex.

Location

Decide on a location too.  Some couple like changing location to keep things interesting and you can be very creative with setting different locations and different moods.  There is so much that can be done with location and it can be really fun.  Have you ever considered taking some blankets into the garden on a warm summers night?  Just make sure it's properly dark so the neighbours don't get a good show!  Or how about setting a romantic scene in the living room or bathroom or on the beech (is that legal?) or..... well you get the picture.  It's doesn't always have to be in your bed in your bedroom you know.

Children

If you have children it is important to have occasional sex dates when they are not in the room next door and if you want to get creative in a room that doesn't have a key definitely be careful of getting busted!  Take time for just the two of you, either let them sleep out for a night or go away to a nice place where you can spend the night uninterrupted.  It's important to have children free time occasionally and go a bit wild!

Atmosphere

Light candles, put clean soft sheets on the bed, bring in some fresh flowers and play romantic music.  Atmosphere is essential.  Create an atmosphere in the bedroom that will remind both of you that what you plan to do is sacred and well as erotic.  It should feel like a safe space for you to play together sexually.

Dress 

Naked is good but it is also fun to dress up to get in the mood.  Prepare yourself physically for your sex date by bathing, shaving and doing whatever preparations make you feel sexy.  Dress in lingerie or whatever makes you feel sexy and consider what turns your husband on too.  What you like might not do it for him, so find out what he likes best.

Food

My husband always says that the best thing I can do for him is to pitch up naked with food!  I did that once and he actually laughed.  Seriously though, you don't want to be having an intense sex date on an empty stomach, prepare a nice dinner before hand or take some snacks to your location especially since you might spend some time talking first on your sex date.   Some foods are known aphrodisiacs so if you need a little help, eat something like. The jury is out as to how much scientific evidence there is that any foods really do make sex more attainable or more pleasurable, it could just be the the placebo effect, but here are a few that could be fun to try:

• Chocolate - contains a lots of feel-good chemicals including phenylethylamine, the "love chemical," which releases dopamine in the pleasure centers of the brain and peaks during orgasm. It is said that phenylethylamine helps to induce feelings of excitement, attraction and euphoria.
• Chilli - increases circulation and stimulates nerve endings so you'll feel more turned on.
• Avocado - the vitamin E in avocado helps your body with the production of testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone, which circulate in your bloodstream and stimulate sexual responses like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.
  
• Oysters - are rich in rare amino acids that trigger increased levels of sex hormones.
• Bananas - its levels of potassium and B vitamins aid your sex hormone production and are also a great source of instant and long-lasting energy.

Mindset

Just thinking about sex will get you in the mood for sex.  All of the above prepare you for your sex date but there is nothing more powerful than your mind.  Once you have done all you can do to plan make sure you take care to leave all your troubles far away from your special location and allow some time before the time you have set aside to wind down.  May sure your mind is fully in the game and then enjoy yourself!

Here are a few useful tips from our Being a Wife book too.

 

Find out more about Being a Lover here or get in touch to host your own Girl's Night.