Being a Lover - Heterosexual and Married

Being a Lover is based on two assumptions.  You might try to apply the principles in Being a Lover outside of these assumptions and you may even have some fun but for full sexual satisfaction and purity, you will need to understand the basics.  

Firstly, sex is for heterosexuals only.  You are created with either an ‘innie’ or and ‘outie’.  One is designed to fit into the other.  Two ‘innies’ or  two ‘outies’ are not meant to fit into each other – you can try but you were not designed to enjoy sex by perverting God’s design.  Just think of an electrical plug, when you connect a male plug to a female socket you get electricity.  Try to connect two male plugs to each other you get nothing!  Try and stick things other than a plug into a female socket and you will get an electrical shock.  Just accept things the way they are.  God designed certain things in a certain way and when things are used in the way they were designed they will always work best.

Sex is made for one man and one woman who are married to each other.  Genesis makes this very clear to us in chapter 2 verse 24 - “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Marriage was God’s idea too.  All sexual activity outside of marriage cannot be blessed by God.  Another indication that God’s design for marriage was exclusively a heterosexual union is in His design for procreation, which can be found in Genesis 1:28 when God blessed Adam and Eve’s union and told them to “be fruitful and multiply”.

The Bible calls all sexual activity outside of marriage sexual immorality.  Sexual immorality is not God's perfect plan.  Choosing to do things your way and not God’s way will have consequences to bear.  Too many people believe that God wants to keep them from having fun.  Thinking this way is only as immature as a child thinking it is not fair to eat cake and sweets right before dinner time.  Some things just work better when done in the right time.  

God is a loving father who gave us the pleasure of sex as long as it is done in the right context.  It's not that we should judge anyone who has decided to live a different lifestyle, it is completely their choice and I am friends with many people who lead all sorts of alternative lifestyles.  My homosexual friends and unmarried sexually active friends, all of whom I love dearly, can vouch for my sincere love for them.  Most of the people I know are involved in some form of sexual immorality but our place as Christians is to love people and help them find Jesus.  Judging people will only turn them away from God unless they are already believers!
An immoral believer is a different category and they should be judged as it says in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 - “I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.  For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?  But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (bold emphasis mine)

Sexual immorality is serious to God and he expects us not to tolerate it amongst ourselves if we call ourselves Christian.  We judge this, and the other offences listed, amongst ourselves. We should take it very seriously.  However, God will judge those who are ‘outside’, we are called to love the lost.   A sinner will sin. We were all once sinners and were trapped in sin which is why we needed Jesus to save us and clean us up.  For those of us that call ourselves a Christian, let’s take sexual purity seriously.  Being a Lover assumes that when we refer to sex we are building on the foundation of heterosexual married couples only.  You cannot ask God to bless your sin.  Sex outside of Biblical guidelines is sin. 

Find out more about Being a Lover here or get in touch to host your own Girl's Night.

* Note:  We are in support of the EA's affirmations on the subject of homosexuality.    


Church Chuckles

Delegates attending a church conference in Scotland set off between sessions to explore the countryside. Presently they came to a stream spanned by a rickety bridge and started to cross, ignoring the warning to keep off. A local inhabitant ran after them in protest. Misunderstanding his concern, one of the visitors called out “its alright we are Anglicans from the conference.” “I’m no’ caring about that” was the reply, “but if ye dinna get off the bridge, ye’ll all be Baptists.”

Notice outside a North London Church
Wanted - Workers for God. Plenty of overtime.

Seen outside a Birmingham Church on November 18th
Come this Sunday and avoid the Christmas rush.

A former Chorister was asked why she gave up singing in the choir. “I was
absent one Sunday,” she replied, “and somebody asked if the organ had been

Seen on a wayside pulpit:
Money will buy a bed, but not sleep; Food but not an appetite;
Finery but not beauty; A house, but not a home;
Luxuries but not culture; Amusement but not happiness;
Religion but not salvation; A passport to everywhere - but heaven.

Notice in a parish magazine:
We are pleased to note that there has been a change of mind by the Housing
Department regarding a name for the new retirement complex. “St. Peter’s
Close” did seem inappropriate.

Comment from a parishioner in the diocese:
Our vicar’s sermons always have a happy ending. The moment they’ve ended
everyone feels happy!”

Seen on a church notice board:
When you were born, your mother brought you here.
When you were married, your partner brought you here.
When you die your friends will bring you here.
Why not try coming on your own sometimes?

Borrowed from the Gas Green Baptist Church Magazine, Contact. 


Being a Woman in Business - Who is Relational

Women have a wonderful advantage in business and that is their natural motivation to nurture relationships.  You might not be the best at what you do even though you try, you may not be the cheapest on the market or offer the most perks, but if you have a good relationship with your client you will keep them loyal to your business and oblivious to the competition.

Deborah Tannen's 1990 best-seller, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation , explores the different conversational styles of women and men at length. Based on her research, Tannen concludes that boys' and girls' early social lives are so different that they grow up in what are essentially different cultures.  Thus, talk between women and men, is in fact cross-cultural communication, fraught with as many potential misunderstandings as communication between individuals from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, languages, or religious groups.
    As a matter of basic world view, Tannen establishes that men see themselves as engaged in a hierarchical social order in which they are either ‘one up or one down’ in relation to others. Their communication styles and reactions to others' communications often stress the need to ‘preserve independence and avoid failure’.  Women, on the other hand, tend to see the world as a ‘network of connections’, and their communications and interpretations of others' communications seek to ‘preserve intimacy and avoid isolation’.
    Tannen's conclusions echo an earlier well-known book on this subject, In a Different Voice  by Carol Gilligan. Gilligan cites research by a number of psychologists and other experts that has found marked differences in the basic operational modes of women and men, starting from the time they are very young children. For example, in observing girls and boys at play, Piaget and Lever (in separate studies) found that as boys grow they become "increasingly fascinated with the legal elaboration of rules and the development of fair procedures for adjudicating conflicts”, while girls "have a more 'pragmatic' attitude toward rules." Girls are "more willing to make exceptions and are easily reconciled to innovations." Boys' play is observed as more competitive, while girls' play "is more cooperative."

Understanding the differences between how men and women relate will hugely impact the way we do business.  Our natural instinct to build relationship rather than compete is to our advantage in many ways.  Strong, healthy business relationships make for a strong and healthy business.  Men might have to work a little harder than women at building these relationships but there is a down side too.  Women tend to be more gullible and less discerning about relationships that should be avoided.  Women get their sense of self from relationships.  Women see a failed relationship as personal failure. 
    In business it is essential to build great relationships but only with the right people.  In fact only 10% of the people you know should be your priority.  Another 10% of the people you know should be completely removed from your business life and possibly even your personal life.  You should not be in a relationship with some people.  Cutting them off is not a failure on your part but actually a wise move.  Men find cutting people off quiet easily but women are often plagued by guilt.  If you want your business to succeed you must know how to relate to people and who to relate to.  An excellent book on how to relate to people is Winning with People by John Maxwell. 
    An excellent system for who to relate to is what I call the ABCD Database.  This is a fantastic system for organising your contacts in such a way that you don’t waste any more time on the wrong people so you can build relationships with the right people.  It’s not only who you know that is important but also who they know.  Getting in touch with an old friend could open a door that you never expected or lingering in a little chat with your local butcher could be surprisingly beneficial. 

Creating an ABCD Database

Step 1 – Create your List
Write down every single person that you know.  Consider anyone at this point from your best friend to an old friend from school, perhaps even your corner shop keeper.   You should be able to list more than 100 - 200 people easily. 

Step 2 – Arrange your List
This is the part where we filter out your top 10% and the people that you should not invest time and money in.  Put an A, B, C or D next to the names you wrote down using the following guide.

A = Advocates
These people are for you; they are your supporters and are always there for you and your business.  You know you can count on them; they will champion your cause.  Usually, the A list makes up about 10% of your database.

B = Believers
These people believe in who you are and what you are doing but are less passionate than your advocates.  If enough time is invested in them they may well become advocates. Usually, the B list makes up about 20% of your database.

C = Casual
These people know you but might not yet know exactly what you do.  This list might include old friends or casual business contacts.  It’s good to keep in touch with them but spending too much time with them may not be beneficial.  Usually, the C list makes up about 60% of your database.

D = Delete
These people are bad for business and you need to cut ties with them.  Either they lack integrity or they speak against you.  You D list is most often negative, unsupportive and critical of you and/or what you do.  Being associated with such people can only do you harm.  You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Understanding your D list is as important as understanding your A list.  Usually, the D list makes up about 10% of your database.

Step 3 – Maintain your List
The next step is to use your list by keeping in touch with each person as follows:

  • Remember birthdays, anniversaries and other significant dates.  Write a personal card and send them a gift.  These people are worth everything you invest in them. 
  • Meet or call them at least once a month.  Be sincere in building a relationship with them; don’t make it all about what you can get from them.  What you can do for them is the most important question you could ask.
  • Take time to give your A’s thanks and gift for referrals.  Nothing you do for your A list is too much.

  • Remember birthdays and write a personal card. 
  • Send personal communication by letter or email at least once a month, even if it’s a one liner just to check in and say hi.
  • Offer your B’s incentives for referrals.

  • Remember birthdays and send a card.
  • Send newsletters or updates.
  • Offer incentives for referrals

  • Don’t be tempted to get back in touch, it won’t be worth it and your time can be invested more wisely elsewhere.

Find out more about Being a Woman in Business here or host your own Girl's Night.  We also have a monthly business networking event called Women in Business, find our more here


Being a Lover - Invitation

In 2012 I wrote a short piece on my blog about sex which attracted so much interested that I included it in my book, Being a Wife. Since then I have had questions and comments come in from all over the world about this subject as it seems to be a bit of a taboo subject in Christian circles. In fact, when Christians do seem to talk and write about it, the content is often disappointing. One such article written by a well known Christian author and speaker contained ten suggestions to spice up her love life. She suggested things like cute notes in his lunch box and leaving sweet messages on his pillow along with other such sweet sentiments. Of course that is really sweet but what men and woman want to know about is SEX.
     I can assure you that men might appreciate sweet notes if it is followed by wild sex but sweet notes on their own will do little for your marriage. Sex is marriage. Sex is what makes you married and sex is what keeps you married. I have never heard of a man that has left his wife saying, “...but the sex was great.” No man will walk away from a marriage with great sex, why would he?
     On the other hand women need to learn to enjoy sex. Too many women endure sex or enjoy it occasionally. God intended for both the man and women to experience extreme, pleasurable intimacy through sex. It was God’s idea. God’s ideas are always good and if you are not experience something that is good then you are not doing it God’s way.
    I would like to invite you... challenge you, to explore what God has to say about sex and also get down to some of nitty gritty how to’s that Christians don’t usually talk about. We will begin our Being a Lover Series at our Girl's Nights and right here on our blog.  Please add this blog to your safe list on your browser or your safety filters might block these posts. 

Find out more about Being a Lover here or get in touch to host your own Girl's Night.


Shine Brightly in 2013

Happy New Year!
This year let us love deeply and shine brightly, so that the world will know Jesus.


Keys for a Great 2013

As 2012  comes to a close I find myself pondering on what worked and what didn't so I can learn from my successes and failures for 2013.  There are two things that stand out very strongly.  These two things have also attracted abuse and criticism from some people and praise from others.  I, however, make no apologies for standing by what I believe to be not only be Biblical but also have been proved in my life.  

This has been a key to our finances.  My husband and I don't have a fixed income but we do have fixed giving.  We give ten percent of all our income including gift money and all our earnings as a first fruit to God.  In additional to our ten percent we also give offerings of varying amounts as well as money to the poor when we can.

Malachi 3:10-11 says, Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this,” Says the Lord of hosts, “If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it.  “And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, So that he will not destroy the fruit of your ground, Nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for you in the field,” Says the Lord of hosts;

Our family and our church believe wholeheartedly in tithing and we have proven that it works.  The businesses in our church are flourishing as they tithe too.  

Sabbath Rest  
I definitely would not have made it through this year if I didn't believe in this principle.  Our family day is Saturday and we seldom give up our Saturdays for anything.  We love our Saturdays and we rest on our Saturdays.  Each week we all know that we are guaranteed a good rest and some lovely family time which frees us up to work hard and push ourselves for six days.  Having that light at the end of the tunnel each week is wonderful and I would not ever attempt to do life without a good rest each week.  Eric and I also have a weekly date night on Wednesday and this has proven to be a key for or marriage.
Exodus 20:11 says, For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

What didn't work for me this year was too much time on the computer.  I recognise that although I might look busy, at times the computer simply robs me of my time, so in 2013 I intend to establish some clear computer guidelines so that I have time for other things that I enjoy such as long walks, baking cupcakes with my children and planning my eldest daughters wedding - yikes now that's a biggie.

So how about you, what worked for you this year?  What habits or principles do you intend to keep or put in place next year.

Have a joyful Christmas and a blessed 2013.



Why We Love Children

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pssed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''