Free from the Past

I felt sick to my stomach! I had just realised what I had done and I was panicking. What was I thinking, why did I do this? But it was too late, it was published as an eBook and I had already started getting pre-orders for the paperback. I suppose I could have withdrawn it from print. Oh my goodness, what I had I done, what will people think of me? 

I shared my panic with Eric as he sat in bed giving the book one more read before we finalised it. I looked at him and fear hit me. What if he didn’t realise what I had wrote? What if after this final read, he changed his opinion of me? What if he thought that the 'old' Angela, the person in the book, was the present Angela? 

Earlier that morning a good friend had started probing me, asking if there was anything I wasn’t telling her. She had been reading the chapter snippets I had released on my blog and she seemed concerned. Her concern was that I was writing for cathartic purposes and I sensed she was even more deeply concerned that I was trapped in some sort of sin that I wasn’t telling her. My concern was that she thought I was still capable of such filth! Perhaps I was reading too much into her email, perhaps those were not her concerns at all. Perhaps I was panicking for no reason. 

Passion & Purity is an intense book containing great deal detail about my sordid past. I knew it would be a difficult story to admit to, but until that morning I had not doubted that it was a story that I had to share.  I watched Eric read the pages yet again. What was he thinking? What if he realised what I had done? The ‘what ifs’ began again.

“Darling, do you really have to read it again? It has been edited, I am sure it is fine and ready to print.”

“Yes, I have to read it slowly just to be sure there are no mistakes. We don’t want to rush like we did with Hope’s Journey, look what happened with that one!”

Ashamedly I recalled how Hope's Journey was printed with quite a few errors.  I agreed that we should not rush the editing process.

“OK, but can’t you skip the first two chapters? It can’t be nice for you to read all those details? Will you still love me?”

“Well.... I don’t know,” Eric said with a sly grin on his face. He was teasing me of course because to him it was a silly question. He gave me a big hug and said,

“Darling, I know who you are and nothing will change that. I will always love you. I have read your story, I know your past and I know that that is not who you are now.”

With that beautiful reassurance I walked away remembering the truth. I know who I am, Eric knows who I am and God knows who I am. I write my stories about the filth of my past so that others can be free from their past too. I write so that they can see my struggle and see how God set me free from all the guilt and shame. My story is important. I am free from my past, truly free. I know who I am today and I know that the person I write about is a different person. All things have passed away, they truly have.

I am free indeed, the only kind of freedom that truly lasts forever – the ‘indeed’ kind as mentioned in the Bible in John 8:36.

I am a new creation, truly a new person, a new being, not a better version of the old person. I am created again – a new creature, old things have passed away and ALL things have become new. Those words are in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:17, I didn’t make them up, God said them!  It is in this knowledge and from this freedom that I write my story, my testimony. Eric continued to read through my story and I stopped panicking because I remembered the truth. The truth that once set me free is the same truth that continues to keep me free. I am free indeed. Are you free from your past? Have you become a new creation? Are you sure? You see, I thought I was free for many years, until I ended up like a dog returning to its vomit ! 

What was the difference between then and now? Grace! The first time I rebuilt my life I tried really, really hard. I worked at it. I did my best. I stayed focused. I earned it! When I ran out of strength and couldn’t keep it up any more, I fell back into my old ways. It was then, in the filth of my fallen state that I realised that no matter how I hard I tried I couldn‘t do it myself. It was then that I asked God for his help. He responded with such love and mercy, with tenderness and grace.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,

Find out how I found true freedom from my past in my new book, 'Free'. More chapter snippets will follow soon, full details about this book are available here

Are you truly free from your past or are you trying really hard to be a good girls?  Share you thoughts in the comment box below and I will share more of how to find true freedom in the amazing grace of God


8 Weeks to Go!

I am so excited, it's only 8 weeks until the King's Daughters Conference! Preparations are well underway and we have some fantastic surprises lined up for you.  This day is not to be missed and we have a strict number limit from the venue, so please don't wait until the last minute to get your ticket as you may miss out.  For the next few weeks I am going to offer an early bird rate to subscribers of this blog - offer ends at midnight on 31st July.


The Wheelie Case

Have you ever been distressed because you have nothing to wear!  You know, one of those days when nothing fits, you don't feel pretty and you would rather cancel the day and go back to bed than get dressed.  Well I have those days. Now I know our clothes don't define us and our identity and beauty should not stem from what we wear, but having something nice to wear does help doesn't it?  So, I have come up with a solution to minimise those bad days.  My solution is "The Wheelie Case"!  This morning I sorted out my clothes and popped the following clothes into a wheelie case:

  1. All the clothes that are too small for me that I am hoping to fit into again one day.  These clothes just make me feel fat and depressed.  They stare at me from my drawers telling me that I can't fit into them anymore so now I am fat.  Lying clothes simply have to go - no more lies, I am not fat.
  2. All the clothes that are too big for me that make me feel thinner but make me look shabby and poor, like I can't afford clothes that fit.  These clothes lie too!  I can afford clothes that fit because God is my provider and I don't have to walk around looking shabby.
  3. All the clothes that I have been holding onto just in case I want to wear them one day. I have never worn these clothes but they just sit there taking up space for no reason.
  4. The final batch of clothes didn't make it into the wheelie case, they landed in the bin.  These clothes had holes in or stains or little defects.... why did I keep them?  
Are you wondering what I am going to do with the wheelie case?  Well, tonight is our weekly Girl's Night and I am going to let one of the women take the wheelie case home for a week and take whatever clothes they would like.  Once they have sorted out their clothing they will add some items to the wheelie case and pass it onto one of the other girls for a week and so each week one of us get to change our wardrobe for FREE!   It's so exciting, I can't wait to see what ends up in the case when it's my turn to get it again.  

Why don't you start a Girl's Night, all the notes are availalbe here and why not start your own wheelie case and pass it around.  I would love to hear your thoughts and wardrobe tips. How do you beat the wardrobe blues?


Free from Masks

”I’m a warrior princess!” I said out loud to myself and to all the little wild animals and creatures that were tucked away in the long grass. The sun was blazing hot on my back as I was hacking my way through a patch of reeds near the river with my sword. I was seven years old and my sword was a piece of wood I had broken off from a tree.
      Although I wasn’t more than 10 minutes walk from the safety of my home, I felt that I was in another world on a big adventure. In this world I was a brave, mighty, warrior princess and the adventure was to find hidden treasure in the dangerous jungle. I carefully put my foot forward, pointing my toes to feel if the dry land had turned into the muddy river banks. It was safe to proceed, so I continued hacking through the next section of reeds.
      A bird’s nest caught my eye. I took a side step to the left to see if there were any eggs in the nest. I knew not to touch the nest as my scent would cause the mother to kick the eggs out of the nest. Slowly and carefully I eased closer and took hold of the reed. I could smell the very distinctive, dry smell of the nest as I peered into it and WOW, there were eggs! Speckled blue eggs, three of them, lay snug in the birds nest and I so dearly wanted to take one home. It would be so much fun to watch the egg hatch and to have a baby bird. Sadly, I knew from past experience that I shouldn’t do this. The egg wouldn’t hatch and I would have killed the baby bird inside. I also knew that the mum would reject the other eggs if she got a whiff of my scent, so I marvelled at the little eggs for a moment longer and then continued on my quest.
Nature thrilled me from an early age and I often found myself caught up in some sort of adventure in the bushes that were near to my childhood home. My parents were used to me coming home all muddy with scrapes and scratches. The bushes were my magical kingdom where I was the princess and I could be and do anything that I wanted to.
      Sometimes I would lie in the middle of a certain soft shrub and stare up at the clouds and day dream about all sorts of things. Other times I would build a fort from sticks and leaves and pretend that the fort was my home. I would catch tadpoles from the river and I would hope to see snakes and chameleons. More often than not I would return home with some creature or plant and hide it in my bedroom. I loved to play and in my fantasy games I was always the brave warrior princess.
      Other fond childhood memories include playing with my dolls. I loved playing mommy and I even had a doll hospital where my dolls needed me to care for them and help them feel better. In these games I was tender and patient and kind. The adventure was different but the game was just as fulfilling as the princess warrior games that I loved to play. In these times I also cooked with my toy cooking pots, I cleaned with my toy broom and did the ironing with my toy iron. Hours and hours of endless pleasure and delight came from caring for my dolls and playing house.
      Picture this, a little girl on the roof of a six foot high rabbit hutch, playing the leading role in a movie. Of course I was the star and I was beautiful. I would play out the whole movie in great detail, I loved the drama. At the end of the movie I would flutter my fingers, rolling them from bottom to top to show the credits rolling up the screen. The memory is still crystal clear and I recall the shade of blue of the rabbit hutch, the smell of the tree with yellow flowers that overshadowed the hutch and the feeling of the warm sun on my skin. Most of all I remember the feeling of being a star! It wasn’t that I wanted fame, at that age I didn’t understand fame. Admiration, adoration, being the heroine, being pretty and all these sort of things delighted me. Even at the young and tender age of six or seven, I loved the feeling of being loved by the handsome co-star in the movie. He would rescue me and treat me nicely. I savoured all the feelings that I accumulated in my little childish games.
      The years passed and the adventures died down. Real life crept in and my games were slowly forgotten. My friends found adventure in drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes and hanging out on the street corner at night time. Slowly the masks were forming as I realised that the childish, playful girl that I loved to be was not acceptable any more. I traded my princess warrior identity for a tough teenage girl mask. I traded my sweet, nurturing mommy to my dolls for a girl that wanted desperately to be accepted and so I explored many different masks to gain that acceptance. No longer was I the beautiful movie star waiting to be swept off my feet by a handsome co-star. I settled for being a hot teenage girl who was admired for her nice legs. I allowed boys to have their adolescent fantasies on the great deal of skin that I exposed to them.

Find out how I got back to living free from masks in my new book, 'Free'. More chapter snippets will follow soon, full details about this book are available here


The 'Loving Life Series' Promo

The ‘Loving Life Series covers three very important subjects that have the potential to radically change your life. 

Hope’s Journey is the first book in the series, which looks at Angela’s struggle with depression and suicide.  Only after writing this book did Angela realise that she quite possibly had bipolar disorder and was healed of it through the amazing journey that God took her on.  Her story starts by describing a life of pain, despair and hopelessness that ultimately would have lead to her suicide on more than one occasion - if God had not intervened.  Today, she lives as a free woman, no longer bound by the extreme ups and downs that she once suffered from.  Hope’s Journey covers all the practical things that Angela did to find this freedom, such as eating healthy, exercising, controlling her mind, as well as the spiritual principles that ultimately saved her life.

Secure on the Rock is a continuation of Angela’s testimony but the slant has moved from depression to focus on the effects that her relationship with her abusive father had on her.  She courageously shares the details of her abuse but then quickly shows how God healed her and helped her forgive him and love him in a way that she never knew was possible.  This moving account of a God’s love for His little girl will leave you breathless as Angela takes you on a journey deep into the Father’s heart.  Not only will you be challenged to the core but you will also fall off your chair with laughter as Angela speaks frankly about all the things that caused her deep insecurity.  Our feminine ways, not always good ways, are exposed and we are challenged to face the things in our lives that prevent us from being free to live securely on the Rock of Jesus Christ.

The saga continues in a dramatic climax to the Loving Life Series with Passion & Purity.  Passion & Purity delves into the fruit of Angela’s unstable past.  She focuses specifically on how her upbringing and poor decisions resulted in unhealthy relationships with men, including several affairs during her first marriage.  Raw emotions are exposed and God’s grace is revealed in all its fullness. Angela holds nothing back!  Her heart is placed on a platter before the reader as she allows you into her innermost struggles and deepest, darkest secrets.  The end result is an overwhelming sense of the love and mercy of our God.
     No apologies are made as she reveals how God made us girls for extravagant, wild, imaginative, adventurous, fantastic loving.   Angela openly shares with readers how her search for passion landed her in all the wrong places and how she managed to find a way back to purity despite all the odds. Today Angela has the wild, passionate adventurous living that she always craved but within the boundaries of purity.

Each book in the Loving Life Series comes with an accompanying study guide so that others can work through the same issues that Angela did and find the freedom that she found.

More books by Angela here


Being a Woman - Who Judges Herself

Did you know that if you judge someone else you are bringing judgement upon yourself? Yes it’s true and it’s a scary thought. Also, the measure that you use to judge will be used back on you. Not only that, but if we compare ourselves to other people we are told by God that we are not wise. 

I don’t know about you, but judging and comparing ourselves is just what we naturally do as girls! We are born that way. From the earliest age I can remember judging others and comparing myself to other people. We are taught to compare and compete at school, we are taught to judge. It seems to be the ‘acceptable’ thing! But not according to God’s standard. His ways are higher than ours and if we are parents we should not conform to the worlds ways, we should save our children from the judgement of God by teaching them to show mercy to others from a young age. So let’s take a look at God’s ways.

Matthew 7:1-2
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

Ouch! That says it just as it is, no need to try and find the hidden meaning in that, it’s very plain to see.

James 2:13
For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

This one is plain to understand too! We need to show mercy to people and not judge them. Mercy wins, judgement looses. If we don’t show mercy to others we will not receive mercy from others and from God! This is a very serious matter. I don’t know about you but I need mercy both from other people and from God. I need mercy all the time. 

I have found the best way to keep things in perspective is to NEVER think of myself more highly than I ought to. Keeping things in perspective is essential and if I even begin to feel pride creep into my heart I know that I am thinking too highly of myself. If you are aware of pride it is easy to spot in your own life, so cultivate an awareness and choose to keep yourself humble for God and before others.

Romans 12:3
For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

So how do we view others then? It’s easy, yet again plain put in the Bible. We view others better than ourselves.

Philippians 2:3
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Esteem means regard, respect, appreciate or value. We need to regard people better than us, respect them as better than us, appreciate them as better than us and value them as better than us. 

Also, it doesn’t say to esteem only good people or worthy people, it just says people. So next time you walk past a drunk person don’t look down at him and think yourself better than him because you are not drunk – you are not better than him. Or if you walk past a mum shouting at her child in the street, don’t look down at her thinking that you are better than her because your child is behaving and you aren’t shouting – you are not better than her. 

We are in no position to judge, we have no idea why people are the way they are, we can’t begin to understand their heart and we most certainly don’t have it all figured out ourselves. If we truly want to live in God’s grace we need to judge ourselves only.

1 Corinthians 11:28
But let a man examine himself...

1 Corinthians 11:31
For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged.

It’s essential that we judge ourselves if we want to become the women that God wants us to be. Judging ourselves does not mean comparing ourselves to each other. We judge ourselves according to the Bible, God’s handbook for life! God has set the standard for living and we need to do our best to measure up. We shouldn’t feel condemned when we realise we don’t, it’s good to know what to aim for, isn’t it?

Do you have any thoughts on how you can live for the benefit of others?

The Being a Woman book and worksheets are available here.


Free - Introduction

There has to be more to life than this! What am I here for? What is my purpose? Who am I really? I have to find myself! Am I good enough? Who am I? These are questions everyone asks themselves at some point in their life but seldom find the answers to. 

“Free” explores all these nagging questions. No more striving and struggling to be who you think you should be, leaving you free to enjoy life to the full and just be YOU.

Identity is a subject that I am extremely passionate about! I have struggled in this area, worked hard in this area and overcome a great deal in this area. I have also dedicated my life to helping others in this area. Very few things are this close to my heart and so writing this book is like copying and pasting me onto paper! If ever there was a time and a reason to sort ourselves out it is right now. If we don’t know who we are how on earth can we fulfil our destiny? The world is crying out for men and women to fulfil their destiny. There are children in Africa dying from curable diseases every day. There are girls and boys being sold into the sex trade every day. There are people walking down your street right now with a broken heart, totally convinced that there is no hope for them. 

If you are a child of God and know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour you need to quickly sort yourself out so that you can live in the awesome plan that God has predestined for you. You don’t have to be perfect to begin, not at all. The only criteria is that you present YOURSELF to God as you are, fully accepting who you are, and get on with all that He has carefully mapped out for you.
My prayer and my heart’s cry is that this book will help you be FREE. Free from the lies of the enemy, free from the labels stuck on you by mankind, and most of all, free to live out your life with meaning and purpose, fully satisfied in every possible way. This sort of living will put a great big smile on God’s face. 

So let’s get on with living it up... no more holding back.

Chapter snippets from 'Free' will follow soon, full details about this book are available  here