King's Daughters

Picking up from my recent post , let's get back to my church story.  Oh and before we go there, what do you think of the new King's Daughters lilac logo? We are trying to keep the 'K' across all three areas just have a slightly different feel. Ok, let's go back to the church I was first saved at, The King's Lighthouse in Brits South Africa. It was a wonderful season where I was totally loved up by  my church family despite all my 'stuff'. I loved being saved and forgiven, I felt clean despite the many things I still had to work out with God.  I was baptised, filled with the Holy Spirit and passionately on fire for Jesus. I only listened to Christian music, burned anything that was even slightly unchristian (seriously!) and even wore Jesus t-shirts to make sure it was clear I was a Jesus girl!  About a year or so later we had to move towns for my then husband's job and so we were transplanted into a church recommended by our pastors. It was amazing t

I will continue with my early church journey in my next post but I need to interject with this letter to all the lovely ladies who are a part of our Girl's Nights over at King's Coffee House in Cheltenham. To all you wonderful women who have been on the Girl's Night journey with me for the past years. I write to you with a heavy heart but also with much love in my heart for you. We have grown to know each other and love each other and this new season in my life takes me away from you, which is not easy at all. I would like to say that it's all positive and that you should be happy for me but it's not such a simple story. For various reasons our family have left our church that we have called home for the past 18 months. Eric has accepted a job at another church and felt that he needed to do this to provide for his family, as being a full time student this past year has made life rather difficult. He had to leave his studies and cannot finish his degree to take this

It seems God is doing a deep work in me during this season and as with many deep works, He takes us back to childhood. So I find myself reflecting and going back to my earliest memories of church. I have always loved church. I don't recall my first visit but I imagine I was very young. My mother attended church from time to time when I was little and my father was an atheist. If it weren't for my mother I would not have the wonderful memories I have to treasure now. I recall how much I loved Sunday school, learning about the Bible stories, colouring in the pictures, felt board stories and just the way church made me feel. Church was always good and I don't recall ever being dragged to along, I was keen and willing. As I grew older I took myself to church when my mom didn't go, even though it was far away, as I really did love it! My earliest memory of loving Jesus was when I was school age and the wonderful Christian teachers at school did a brilliant job of encouraging

I remember one particular trip back from London to Cheltenham. It had been a long day of hard work, conducting interviews for our Women's Business Magazine , driving from one side of London to the other and back again. Lorah and I were travelling back late at night and were desperate to get home. My back hurt so much from sitting in the car for so long that I had to lean forward over the steering wheel in a funny position to relieve the pain. I was exhausted and the drive home felt like an eternity.  THEN IT HAPPENED! I accidentally  took a wrong turn on the motorway. I can't tell you how my heart sank! The worst part was that it was a long drive to the nearest roundabout to get back in the right direction. There was a metal barrier between the two sections of the motorway and no way to turn around and get back on track. I was stuck going in the wrong direction and there was nothing I could do about it except keep going IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!  I can't tell you how horrible

I don't know if what I am going to be writing about in the near future is going to make any sense at all. I don't even know if I should be publicly processing all this. You may have noticed that the tone of my previous post wasn't in proportion to the announcement. I realised after posting it that I was trying to say something without saying it, which of course didn't work at all. So I am going to attempt, over a series of posts, to share my journey with you - live from the heart, as it happens. This is not something that I have been through, come out of, got the t-shirt and can help others through. This is what I am going through and trying to figure out. You can expect it to be raw and real so please don't judge me. I have judged too many others in my situation in past years only to find out what it really feels like to be this side of the judgement. When church hurts You may recall a similar story that we posted in 2010 - When Church Hurts .  Now I will attempt

I have sat with my hands on the keys several times now, to write to you but never know what to say. So here it is, I am just going to let it come out, raw and real. You see, I have a choice, I can  pitch  what I have to say to you in a very positive, exciting way (which would be honest ish )   or I can pour out my heart and soul which could be overly negative and draining for you. For your sake and mine I will do neither, I am not pitching anything to you, it is not positive nor negative, it just is. This is where the journey has taken me and many of you have been reading my posts for years and have stayed with me through all the ups and downs, trials and tests, joys and laughter. Not A New Beginning I considered calling this post A New Beginning but realised that it is not a new beginning at all, it is the next chapter in our book, a new season in our life, perhaps even a turn at a cross road. I considered calling it Starting Over only to realise that nothing is starting over but this

I have sat with my hands on the keys several times now, to write to you but never know what to say. So here it is, I am just going to let it come out, raw and real. You see, I have a choice, I can  pitch  what I have to say to you in a very positive, exciting way (which would be honest ish )   or I can pour out my heart and soul which could be overly negative and draining for you. For your sake and mine I will do neither, I am not pitching anything to you, it is not positive nor negative, it just is. This is where the journey has taken me and many of you have been reading my posts for years and have stayed with me through all the ups and downs, trials and tests, joys and laughter. Not A New Beginning I considered calling this post A New Beginning but realised that it is not a new beginning at all, it is the next chapter in our book, a new season in our life, perhaps even a turn at a cross road. I considered calling it Starting Over only to realise that nothing is starting over but this

We were sitting in a coffee shop discussing the way forward with our pastor. Eric suggested taking his studies from part time to full time so that it could get done quicker and get back to earning a salary. I agreed to support him and had no problem with him going full time, in fact I preferred it that way. So I said, " Don't worry, I can take care of us financially while he is studying. I am making enough money in my business to support us." Not long after that meeting Eric had a dream. He dreamed that I was flying an aeroplane and the cockpit area started to crack. He knew I was going to crash. After discussing his dream I asked how we could prevent it but neither of us could find the answer. We knew that the aeroplane was my business and that is was going to crash. I was frightened but didn't know what to do. Shortly after the dream my company did start to fall apart. I went from a really good, steady income to almost losing the business. It seemed to hap

My first idea for the title for this post was, "The western lifestyle is ridiculous!" but I thought that may seem a bit negative! Although that is pretty much what I am writing about today - about how ridiculous our western lifestyle is!  Have you ever considered this? I found myself contemplating that I am struggling to keep up with my housework, that I am struggling to find time to go to gym and that I am struggling to make the money that I need. So after my contemplation I tried to figure out how to afford to get a window cleaner, my car to the car wash and perhaps even someone to help me with my housework as I just don't have the time.  My business takes up all my time and more... if that's even possible. So I need to hire in help! A short while ago I introduced my husband to a great movie that I watched in South Africa when I was a child. The opening scene exposed how ridiculous we are in the Western world and if you continue watching past the end of the

It's two weeks into the new year and I feel a bit overwhelmed by the reality of my life but also hopeful that somehow I can find the balance - in fact I will not stop trying until I get my days looking more like I want them to! In my previous post  I launched the concept of the My Life Pie. I was not quite sure how you would take it. Some loved it and some hated it. However, as the days go by I find myself sharing it with others as a way of explaining my attempt to find some balance this year.   So far I established that I work way too much and do little else during the week. Every Saturday I stay in my pyjamas and do as little as possible to recover from the week, leaving a little energy to get my butt to church on Sundays and do my best at loving my Christian brothers and sisters. Shocking I know!! My Life Pie gave me some sense of order, at least in theory, yet to be realised practically. Cleaning was the very first thing that I noticed was missing when after one

Seligman (1973) referred to depression as the ‘common cold’ of psychiatry because of its frequency of diagnosis. Have you noticed how many people have depression these days? Picking up from the first part of this series, let's take a look at the two keys that I believe will change everything . As I mentioned before, these keys are not only for depression but for life itself. MY FREEDOM TO CHOOSE "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;"  - Deuteronomy 30:19 It is our choice. We can choose life or death and everything in-between. Our free will is powerful and yet do we use it? Do we consciously choose things or do we allow everything under the sun to choose for us? Emotions, people, circumstances and so much more is often what affects people but we have power to choose so much of this. We cannot choose circumstanc

It's no secret, I have tried so many things to beat depression. I have come at it from every angle, been on and off meds, prayed, fasted, experimented with food and exercise and done whatever I have thought to do. The early years of my struggle are recorded in Hope's Journey . There are days when I feel cheated of life itself, like I will never know it feels like to be content or normal! It is frustrating. At times I just hate myself. I hate that I cry for stupid things, shout at the children I love dearly and annoy my wonderful husband with my nonsense. I don't always feel this way or even behave this way but there are times when I do and I beat myself up over it because it's not the person I want to be. Our current Girl's Night series this year is a powerful one and already after the very first session I feel empowered and excited about the possibilities. What struck me most was that I had to choose contentment and not wait for the feelings to come. I know t

You think I am mad but in my desperate attempt to find balance in my life I have create a Life Pie! I have gone chart and spreadsheet mad this year to get more out of life. This my latest one! I figured rather than set goals for the year only I have set goals for each day so that I don't only work but make time for other things. Easier said than done but this is what I am going to try to do each day.... How do you manage to balance your life - what is your biggest time thief and what do you want more time to do?  I would love to hear from you. Love

One thing that I have been struggling with lately is to be who I know I am. It's not that I am faking it or being insincere, it's nothing like that, it's just that I haven't felt like myself for quite sometime and really want to get back to that place of being centered, aligned and at peace within. Getting free from depression has been really hard work this time around. It's not that when I wrote Hope's Journey that it wasn't a struggle, it was just a completely different struggle. Today I wanted to talk about something that I have been working on. Habits. In our life we could have habits that help and habits that hinder. I am extremely aware of the habits that I currently have that are hindering me as well as the ones I want to have to help me. This isn't new to me either, I have had these bad habits and awareness of the good ones I want for literally years! Some years I manage to overcome the bad ones with the good and other years I tend to lean tow

Eric hit the nail on the head tonight when he told me that I have to do the hard work of rest. God has been gently and at times very firmly telling me to slow down. He told me through the gentle whisper of His Spirit, through the audible voice of my friends and even through the doctor prescribing anti-depressants for burnout! Despite the clear and obvious warning as well as my desire to rest, why is it so difficult? Rest isn't as easy as it sounds. It's not like I can just stay in bed and sleep all day. If only it were that simple! I have to make a conscious decision to rest, to slow down and to find the balance in my life. My family still need caring for, my homes still needs cleaning, my business still needs working on and my ministry still needs me to turn up. I have cut a lot out already and said no to very many things, which has been a good start. It wasn't easy, I mean I was half way through my campaign for the next local elections and had to pull out. It really h

This year's conference theme is He Loves Me and I really struggled to write my talk around this subject.  The more I delved into the love of God the more I struggled to write about it. Many times as I sat down to write my talk I got distracted!  One such distraction was a song.  I couldn't articulate what God's love meant to me, the only way I could get it out was to write a song.  So today I thought I would share that song with you.  Only the words for now but soon we will have a good enough recording to share the whole things with you. He Loves Me God's love is... a place to go to God's love is... a feeling to feel God's love is... a truth you can trust in God's love is... a peace to rest God's love is... a memory to treasure God's love is... a future to hope for God's love is... a blanket to hide in God's love is... a joy to shout about He loves me... I don't know why He loves me... It's hard to explain He loves me

Hello King's Daughters, I feel like it's been quite some time, in fact well over a year perhaps even two, since I have written anything meaningful to you. I have tried but words haven't come.  Many posts have been fillers or conference news.  I don't know what happened to me, I seemed to have come from a place and having life figured out to now not having a clue, from having much wisdom and revelation to share to having nothing.  At first I gave myself some time to grieve to loss of our church, D7 Church.  We met for the final time on Sunday 30th March 2014. Failure is hard, loss is difficult but when you have failed and lost in the things of God it seems harder. You feel as if you have let God down. One thing that no one tells you when you pastor a church is that it too, just like a business, can fail. If the books don't balance and your income is less than your expenses, you can fail. If you don't have a committed team to keep up with the work you can fail

My Dream Recently I had a disturbing dream.  I tried to put it out of my head and forget about it but could not.  You see although it was not pleasant it did contain a powerful message.  I want to share this message with you today, I apologise in advance for the graphic nature of this dream but I honestly believe it is necessary.  In my dream I was in bed with another man getting ready to have sex.  I was fully aware that I was married to my husband and that this man had a wife.   As we were becoming intimate I had a strong sense that there were people in the house who were also fully aware of what this man and I were doing and also that it was acceptable to them.  I was also thinking of my husband but it seemed that he too was aware of what was happening and it didn't bother him, it was the norm.  As we had sex I felt violated because I knew it wasn't right but because no one was objecting and because it almost seemed to be expected of me, I allowed it to continue.