Eric is a wonderful support to me and I am thankful that I have him to remember what I need to stay full. When I am unable to know what I need, He will know. Does this make sense? I have told him all the things that I do that fill me and also the things that drain me. I have shared my observations of who I am and who I am not. Many times when I am down he will ask what I need and usually I say I don't know because I genuinely don't know. In these times Eric knows what I need, he knows to take me for a walk even if I don't want to go for a walk as this always helps. He knows to encourage me to play my piano, or guitar, or work on a song. He knows that I might need some time alone, without the children. He knows that I might need him to tidy up the house a bit so I can find my strength to carry on. He knows all these little things because I have made a point of telling him what I need so that when I don't have to strength to figure out what I need he can help me. To tap into this is very easy too, when he asks what I need or what I want to do today I just say;
“Darling, I really don’t know what I want right now and don’t want to have to make a decision if that’s OK.”
This simple phrase activates my wonderful husband’s understanding of where I am at. Right away he knows that I really don’t know what is best for me so he needs to figure it out as well as make the decision as to what to do next. It’s so wonderful to be able to lean on him like that and to feel the blessing of being the weaker vessel. I love his strength in my weak times, I wish every woman alive could know and understand this simple principle. Too many women are trying so hard to be tough and independent without realising that they are only robbing themselves as well as those in their life that want to love them.
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
I Actually Do Understand
Sometimes we forget that other people have struggles too and might just understand what we are going through. When I was facing my final battle with suicide that I mentioned at the beginning of this book I felt totally alone. In my mind it seemed impossible that anyone would ever understand what I was wrestling with and so therefore there was no way at all that I could tell anyone about it. Most of all I am a leader, this immediately made the journey even more lonely as you have to be so careful who you share your struggles when you are leading. I was taught that a leader only shares the victories and only tells people about their own struggles once they have the answers. No one wants to hear about a leader struggling, it makes them look weak. This is what I have learned and tried to live by but I am seeing more and more that this isn’t always the case. I think as leaders we need to have the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to judge the situation and each case individually.
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.